FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
