I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Found the puke drawer
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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