Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
