Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
porn star boner night. come get it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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