hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
