Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
