you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
