I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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