I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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