Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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