i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
