saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
