Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
