The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
this hospital has no fireball
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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