why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
