so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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