He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
