you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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