I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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