he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I forget how to act sober
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
