She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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