if only i could text you this smell
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
