My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
