You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
