If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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