Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
