she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
