Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
