I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
