you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
where are my eyebrows?
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