I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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