If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
