Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
