Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
