A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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