I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
