you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
