he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I touched a dick in church today
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
