I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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