I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
