I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
