Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
