Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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