After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
