i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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