I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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