I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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