If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
