So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
