I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
