final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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