i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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