I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
