By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Everclear isn't food dammit
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
