life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
